A fire inside me
drives me,
makes me,
into something otherworldly.
To yearn,
to wish,
to dream,
to hope,
to do.
I want to move,
I want to turn these thoughts
into actions,
I want to release what’s inside of me,
set it free
to roam the air,
to illuminate the night,
and emit its brilliance.
I’m releasing the flame,
without care of your opinion.
And thanks to the people
Who made it harder on me
Who pushed me down
Who trashed on me
You let me rise back up
And kick the dirt off me
Now I’m higher than before
Cleaner than before
And I’m sure as hell
Stronger than before
So thanks for the jealousy
And thanks for the rumors
Don’t forget the deathly glares
And the knives in my back.
Because now I’m better than ever
Happier than ever
More alive than ever
And it’s all thanks to you.
So thank you once again,
For going through the trouble,
Letting people know just how low you can go,
Letting them see just how tough I can be.
I simply can’t help but thank you.
They come in sets of twos,
Or misfortunately more.
Sets of parents wondering what’s on their child’s mind
Sets of teachers wondering where their student’s mind’s gone
Sets of friends wondering where their friend’s loyalty’s gone
Sets of girls and boys,
Playing these silly little games
Not knowing where it’ll end
Not knowing what exactly they’re doing
Not knowing what exactly they’re getting themselves into.
But at the same time,
They’re all being affected by the effects of love
And probably not the real love,
But that love teenagers believe in.
The one that makes them think they’re head over heels about someone
Or the one that just keeps them out of being alone
And its this teenage love that leads to the most broken hearts.
This teenage love that leads to the most broken smiles,
Messed up friendships,
Screwed up rumors,
Late nights crying,
And real time passing.
But it’s also this love
That ignites a smile,
And teaches these teens
About mistakes in life,
Mistakes that will hurt them less now,
No matter how deep their wounds may seem.
It’s this love
That I love
That I hate
That I sit and contemplate
This love has affected millions
And I’m just another,
Helpless
Victim
One step back
before taking two steps forward
like the minute-hand on the clock
Back, then forth.
Fall, then rise.
Cry, then laugh.
Back, then forth.
Illegal to move forward
in simplicity?
Find a black hole,
appear ahead with no fall or cry
Sights set ahead,
strain and tension in my arms
as my fists are clenched
and my nails dig into my palms
and my feet push
but all I feel is a pull.
Call me a rebel,
but my desires aren’t on the menu.
One order of forth, no back please.
Crisp mascara
and burnt red lipstick
A changing me
and a gaining of you
But what if I didn’t
what if I stayed the same?
Would I still gain you?
Or would it be losing what I never had?
Breeze is coming in
and the curtains flow,
but the windows are still.
Children are laughing
and their smiles are being lit,
but their parents don’t notice.
Birds are flying,
and they’re uniformly moving,
but no one looks up.
Flowers are pollinated,
and start to bloom,
but no one stops to notice.
My mind is busy
and I’m exploding to share,
but no one has the time.
Clear,
foggy,
rested,
thoughts.
And then there’s lightening.
A doubt.
There’s a doubt in my mind,
and I can’t let it go.
It clings to every word,
phrase,
thought,
and it won’t let go.
It’s sucking the positivity
out of me,
and I, I can’t breathe.
I want reassurance,
I want this dreadful thing to go away.
This doubt is not welcome.
Talk to me,
reassure me,
so this doubt can go away;
and again,
we can be smooth sailing.
Words.
A few letters
strung up together,
and they’re supposed to express
the rainbow in my heart?
The thunder in my brain,
the numbness in my fingers,
the pep in my step,
and the ignition of my smile?
No, these words are useless,
words that sit there
and reveal only certain parts of the puzzle,
not the whole picture,
sometimes not even most.
I look and I want to speak,
I want to tell you how I feel,
but the world is judging
and I can’t grasp the right words,
and time is passing,
and emotions are flowing,
and it’s gone.
The moment’s passed,
and it’s too late.
It’s gone.
The stars glisten and I,
I think of something irrelevant.
Something more temporary than a shooting star,
something on my mind,
but not in my heart.
I lift my head on a different axis,
and I wonder,
if you see these stars,
what do you think of?
You who has nothing,
you who is stuck in a third world country,
you who lives in a sub-sufficient world,
where everything is on the rocks
and nothing is certain.
You who can’t tell
the dollar from the euro.
You to whom it doesn’t matter,
not because you’ve never been taught to read,
but because you’ve got no pocket for change.
Your pocket’s been torn and that hole,
that black,
black,
hole,
is sucking the life out of you.
You don’t care for the dollar or the euro,
you want the thing that’ll make you see tomorrow
the thing that’ll make the pain go away.
You,
your wants,
your biggest desires,
are the littlest things I have.
And yet I?
I wish for things beyond your imagining.
Why?
Because the world I was raised in
validates it,
but yours,
yours doesn’t.
But if you’re on this planet
and so am I,
why am I on this side,
and you on the other?
And so even though the tears seem to be coming,
and my heart seems to be racing, or stopping,
I don’t know what to do.
My life can change in an instant,
with a yes, or a no.
But I don’t know what to do.
Say yes, better for the long run,
who cares if you throw away one year of your life,
and it might not even work out in the end,
you won’t look bad and ask “What if?”
But I don’t know what to do.
Say no, life’s too short,
who cares if one of your biggest dreams won’t come true,
and you’re throwing away years of hard work,
you might not live till tomorrow.
But I don’t know what to do.
To swing this way or that,
I can’t seem to go with the wind,
everything seems to be bigger to me,
I’m just more cautious.
But I don’t know what to do.
So as the tears come and go
and I contemplate between
yes and no,
won’t you sit down next to me,
talk to me,
hold me,
so I’ll know what to do?
